Growing up with ADHD isn’t easy.
When I was a kid, there was no such thing as ADHD. I used to look around at the
other kids around me and think “why aren’t I as smart as they are? Why can’t I
listen and pay attention like I’m supposed to? Why do things slip through my
memory so easily? Why can’t I do what they can do?” I used to spend all my time
in class daydreaming and then have to scramble to find out what the assignments
were and what I was supposed to be doing. I would tune out my teachers and live
in my own little world. I would put off assignments and projects until the last
minute, then panic and scramble to get them done. I would forget to do my
homework and then try to come up with some excuse as to why I didn’t have it.
Kids with ADHD become good liars by necessity. I was quiet – so nobody noticed
I was struggling. When I came back with a bad grade, they just assumed I wasn’t
very smart. I spent time going back and forth between honors classes (in
subjects I liked) and regular or remedial classes (in the subjects that bored
me). Nobody thought there was anything wrong or that maybe I was bored; they
just thought I was stupid. I started believing it; I was stupid. I thought I
was lazy. I thought I didn’t try hard enough. At least that was what they told
me; but I was trying harder than most of the kids in my grade. It wasn’t that I
was stupid or lazy or didn’t want to learn. The fact is, the public school
system is not set up to work for kids with ADHD. Unless we get a very
understanding and perceptive teacher, we have a tough time navigating our way
through school.
So, let’s get some things straight
about ADHD:
·
ADHD isn’t a deficiency or a disability – it’s a
difference. It’s a difference in the way our brains work; in the chemistry in
our brains and the way we process things.
·
ADHD manifests differently in boys than it does
in girls.
·
There are different types of ADHD – having ADHD
doesn’t mean you are in constant motion.
·
There is nothing wrong with you; it’s not your
fault.
·
There is no magic cure or quick fix.
·
Medication works, but it can be avoided.
·
What you eat DOES affect your ability to focus.
·
Exercise will help you focus and also sleep.
·
You are not lazy or stupid; you don’t need to
“try harder” or “learn to sit still”.
·
You aren’t irresponsible.
·
Yes, you feel your emotions stronger than your
neurotypical peers feel theirs
·
You aren’t failing – the system is failing YOU.
Now, what are we going to do about it? I’ll tell you what we are going to
do – we are going to change the way you see yourself and the way you approach
the things you need to do. We are going to change the system so that it works
for you. We are going to find your strengths and build on them. We are going to
CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
There are dangers to having ADHD,
other than failing in school or at work. We tend to be risk takers; we tend to
get addicted more easily; we tend to blame ourselves for what we have no
control over and so we are prone to anxiety and depression; we take on everyone
else’s opinion of us as our own; we have a propensity to get involved in
abusive relationships because we are so used to it always being our fault –
always being our “deficit”; we are late paying bills; we forget to pay bills;
we get bored easily at work and hop around from job to job. There are
strategies we can put in place to keep from falling into all these traps. We
CAN have a productive and happy life – we just have to learn how.
There are a lot of strengths and
positives to having ADHD. We tend to be very creative; we think outside the box
(all the time); we are “whole picture” people and can come at problems from
many different angles; when we have an organizational system in place, we are
hard workers and can attend to details; we can learn to use hyperfocus to our
advantage; when we get involved in a task, we are absorbed by it and can do it
like no other can. We are a different breed of learner and worker – no worse or
no better than our neurotypical peers, just different.
